Grow Happy

Shedding Pounds Again

2011-10-30T11:40:00.000-04:00

I hate losing weight. I like shedding pounds. I like releasing unnecessary pounds. I like freeing my body from the burden of weight I no longer want or need.So I'm back on the HCG diet. It's my third round and this time is surprisingly serene. I am simply taking it a day at a time, taking the homeopathic drops, eating according to the plan, and trusting the process. I'm using the scale as a way to record change, rather than as a scorekeeper.The second time I did the HCG diet, it was REALLY hard. I struggled every day against urges to eat. I used that scale as a scoreboard. I was obsessed with getting below a specific number on the scale. I was determined to LOSE THIS WEIGHT. It was torture.I did reach my pound goal, yet immediately on ending the diet, went back to eating sugar and other caloric things. I gained back half the weight I had lost. I found it again!This time is different. I got completely off sugar a few months ago for other reasons than weight, so I don't have that temptation or detoxing to contend with. And I guess I just am going with the program day by day instead of being focused on the end result. Whatever I release, I release. I'm good with whatever I see on the scale at the end of the 23 days. I know that if I follow the program, I will shed pounds. So I trust the process. It's the journey, not the destination, that motivates me this time.

Trust Your Gut

2011-10-28T11:31:00.002-04:00

She's out $1360 because she didn't trust her gut.Such a sad tale and an expensive lesson. At least I hope it's a lesson.E. sold a course to someone via Craig's List. She felt something was hinky because she hadn't gotten the money, yet he was insisting his assistant had overpaid for the course and he wanted E. to send him back $1360. Finally, she got the money orders and, being the honorable trusting person she is, sent him the $1360. Unfortunately, she learned that he paid with counterfeit money orders. So she's out $1360.The thing is she knew in her gut it was a scam. Yet she listened to her mind and its logic and insanity. "Well, I did get the money so he must be on the up and up after all." "I am a good person so he must be, too." She ignored her gut that said "SCAM!!"I hope this is her big lesson to listen to your gut regardless of what your mind is saying. If your gut is saying "NO" even if your mind is saying "GO," you can take the time to gather enough information so your gut is satisfied. This means giving yourself more time to think through things, get things checked out so YOU are comfortable. That's the only thing that matters -- that YOU are comfortable. Even if other people are trying to rush you, you don't have to react to that. You get to RESPOND, which means you are coming from your solid inner place of comfort. In fact, you don't have to have a reason to not do something, other than "I don't feel comfortable with this."Whenever I react, I make errors in judgement and execution. Even as simple a thing as rushing to get into my car to go somewhere - I spill the coffee or drop the book. This of course makes more work for me - wiping things up, picking it up from the garage floor. Not to mention if I spill in the car I could ruin something more permanently. If I take the time to secure these items, they don't spill and I don't make extra work for myself. Why am I rushing? Because I think other people are waiting for me, I'll be late, they'll be angry or disappointed, and I don't want to cause that or suffer from their reactions. Rushing may or may not get me there more quickly. I probably need to look at how much time I allot myself to travel, so I don't have to rush. It gets to root causes, instead of reactions to situations I may create myself.E. just got a huge, expensive, nasty lesson in taking her time to get comfortable, instead of reacting to this guy's hysteria and extreme pushiness. She KNEW it was a scam. If she'd listened to her gut, she'd have taken different actions, like waiting for his money orders to clear before sending anything out to him - regardless of his pushiness, which was a red flag for her.Learning to trust your gut is probably an important lesson for all of us - getting out of your head and into your gut. I learned to trust mine through simple things like following my gut feeling not to go a certain way. Even if my head said "that's the shortest way," I listened. The more I practiced it, the more comfortable I became with trusting my gut. I started to see that every time I ignored my gut feeling, something undesirable happened. So I extended the practice into other areas of my life. Gut feeling, intuition, whatever - we all have this capacity to get guidance from our bodies and inner selves. This guidance is essential to my happy life.

More on Twitter

2011-09-22T12:16:00.000-04:00

People often have visceral negative reactions against Twitter. They don’t get it and thus may condemn it. Tim Berry has a great blog post on the topic Twitter Pitter Patter Twop: Hating Twitter.

People ask me “why are you on Twitter?” I tell them that it’s like the office water cooler for stay/work-at-homes like me, that it helps me make people aware of my blog and drives traffic there so I can help more people, and that I get lots of great information about my field and the world. These reasons make sense to them. When they understand why I tweet, they stop being so judgmental about it. I explain that it’s a tool that I use as part of my business model.

While they still don’t understand why THEY might tweet, every single one asks me to help them get on Twitter. It takes about five minutes. I'll explain how in my next post.

I think context is incredibly important to Twitter. If you have a reason to tweet - to drive traffic, to publicize a project or book, to hire someone, to spread news, to market a product, to handle customer complaints, to raise your public profile - then you end up embracing it.

Twitter does take time. Is it a time waster? Only if we let it be…as with every single other business tool and task there is in this world of ours.

Twitter

2011-09-21T14:04:00.000-04:00

People ask me "why are you on Twitter?"

My answers:

1) it is like the office water cooler for work/stay-at-home people like me so I don't feel so isolated

2) Twitter helps me drive traffic to my blog so I am able to help more people with their work issues.

3) I get great information to pass on to people looking for jobs, or guidance to become better leaders and workers.

4) My universe is larger because of the people with whom I interact, who tweet regularly, who post funny, odd, interesting, pertinent and personal information.

Starting with Twitter

2011-09-20T10:41:00.000-04:00

SIGNING UP FOR TWITTER
* Go to http://www.twitter.com
* Click on "Get Started" field
* Follow directions: enter your full name, then your desired user name and password. Twitter will tell you if your user name is available and if your password is long enough, weak or OK.
* Enter your e-mail address
* Type in the words you see in the box. If you can't read them, just click to get two new ones until you can read them and enter them.
* Click on the box "Create my account"

You'll then be taken to a page where you can find if your e-mail contacts are on Twitter. If you want, you can skip this step. If you want to see if your pals are tweeting, you will sign in using your e-mail user name and password - not your Twitter user name and password. Enter your password and hit "enter."

If you skip that step, you'll reach a page titled "Look who else is here. Start following them!" You also can skip this step by clicking "skip this step" at the bottom of the page. If you instead hit "finish" you will have automatically followed everyone listed. The people listed are either celebrities, news organizations or tweeters with lots of followers.

The default is to "Select All" so if you want to select only some, you need to click on the "select all" button to unselect everyone and then scroll through to manually the people (or tweeps, twitter peeps) you want to follow. The reason to select at least some people to follow is to begin getting tweets on your Twitter page (also known as your Twitterstream).

If you don't select anyone to follow at this stage, you still have many opportunities to find people to follow. I'll describe the mechanisms later in this post.

Click "finish" when you are done. You will then be taken to your very own Twitter page.

There will be a default avatar (picture icon). Click on it to be taken to a page where you can add your own picture. After uploading and saving your preferred photograph, you will see that you can also look at "Settings" and change the color or design of your background.

Once you are on your home page, you can begin "tweeting." Tweets are the name given to your updates. Updates are 140 characters long. That includes spaces and punctuation.

On the Twitter home page is a large text box underneath the question "What are you doing?" On its upper right is the number "140" in gray. As you type your message, you will observe the number declining. As you approach the 140-character limit, the color of the number changes gradually to bright red until you reach "0" characters remaining. If you exceed the 140-character limit, you will see a negative red number. As you edit your tweet, the number will reflect the number of characters you have left.

Great tweets are any length. When I started, I used up all 140 characters. Now I try to keep my tweets at 120 characters or less.

The reason for tweets shorter than 140 characters is to allow my followers to "Retweet" or "RT" them. When someone retweets my tweet, they are passing it on to their network of followers. The retweet includes the characters RT, my user name preceded by the @ sign (as in @juliaerickson), a colon and a space. It looks like this: RT @juliaerickson: followed by the message. That takes up 19 characters right away.

If I want someone to get the full meaning of my tweet when they see it retweeted, I need to keep my tweet at 120 characters or less. Less is good because then the retweeter (RTer) can make a comment, such as "Yes!" or "ditto" or "I agree" or "fun" or whatever endorsement or additional thought they have.

Tweet topics range from the ridiculous to the sublime with the mundane and useful being most common. Because I want to drive traffic to my blog helping job seekers, I have a standard message that I tweet several times a day. It is "job search tools and guidance that really work at http://ow.ly/4RLP (julieannerickson.blogspot.com)" with no period at the end (why waste characters?). I also tweet about a charity that I support, at least once a day. It is "click 2 feed hungry http://thehungersite.com + help child health, literacy, rainforest, animals, mammograms - no cost 2 u" also with no period at the end.

These two tweets tend to be retweeted often, I think because they provide some kind of value or good to the "twitterverse." Other things that are often retweeted: funny tweets, inspirational quotes, hot news items (e.g. lots of tweets and RTs today and yesterday about the Iran election), contests, and charity-related tweets.

Why is retweeting important? It's a way to expand your twitterverse, specifically to increase the number of followers you have. And why do you want more followers? To reach more people with your messages.

Retweeting is also a way to develop relationships. If you RT someone, they usually thank you for RTing them, because you are spreading their message and identity/brand to your network of followers. It's like doing someone a favor or them doing one for you. You start to develop a sense of people, who they are, whether they are generous or not, whether you want to interact with them more often.

“You Need 4 Things to Profit from Twitter”

You need followers.

No matter how compelling your Tweets, if nobody is following you, nobody will read them. To create a steady flow of visitors to your site and profits, you need thousands of followers.

You need readers.

Having followers only builds your ego, not your bank account. If you want to make a profit you need to have followers that are actually reading your tweets.

You need credibility.

If you want people to respond to your tweets and take the actions that put money in your pocket, you have to be someone those readers trust.

You need products.

Nobody makes a profit until someone buys something.

http://www.crn.com/it-channel/217900164;jsessionid=BMUEDS3SZECJ4QSNDLOSKH0CJUNN2JVN Dissecting Twitter's Role In Tech, Society, Politics 140 Characters Conference in New York, led by entrepreneur and tech pioneer Jeff Pulver,

2011-07-28T13:53:00.001-04:00

9 Step Road Map: How to Find Your "Right Fit" Job http://bit.ly/otodhe

Shedding Pounds

2011-06-15T13:33:00.001-04:00

I recently shed about 50 pounds I put on over a five year period when my 6 year old nephew died of brain cancer, I was fired for no reason from a job I loved for 11 years, lost another job because it wasn't the "right fit", and then became physically disabled from back and hip surgeries.

As I rebuilt my life, I consoled myself with food. And of course, the food wasn't the solution. It ended up creating more problems. My back and hip hurt more. I didn't like how I looked and couldn't bring myself to buy many nice articles of clothing. It was depressing! And my health was at risk. We have diabetes, cancer and hypertension in our family...with weight a primary risk factor for each.

It was clear that I had to do something. Three years ago, I did lose 25 pounds the traditional "eat less, exercise more" method. But I put much of it back on over the next year. At age 52, it seemed impossible to lose so much. Yet I had to! I was convinced that people looked at me and judged me as someone who didn't care about herself. And you know what? They were right.

I put my health and self-esteem at risk. So that's not very self-loving. And of course, I was deeply unhappy. Being unhappy is definitely a sign that I was not caring well for myself.

Luckily, a physician recommended that I try something quite radical: the HCG Diet. It's based on a program developed by a medical doctor in Italy over 16 years in the mid-20th century. Dr. ATW Simeons, created and studied the HCG diet in a clinic in Rome, publishing a report in 1954.

Dr. Simeons found that by taking human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG), a person can burn fat deposits as energy - about 1500 calories of fat burned a day. That means you can eat just 500 calories - and not be hungry! And you lose .5 to 1.5 pounds a day. Click here to go to the DIYHCG.com site. You can get Dr. Simeons' manuscript there and order the homeopathic drops that work so well. Enter code TX8HD for 5% off!

It worked. In two cycles, I shed 47 pounds. I feel so proud of myself - because it was hard work sticking to that restricted diet plan. I look so much better, feel so much better, and am pretty happy with my weight. I have some more to go for health reasons (there was a lot of self-consoling going on), so I'll do another round of HCG in a month or so. My goal: to have the little Wii FitPlus voice say "that's normal!" when I get my weight.

2011-06-05T23:37:00.001-04:00

Caution: If You're Not a Rock Star, Maybe LinkedIn's Skills Section Isn't For You Yet http://ping.fm/d6Uv3

2011-05-24T19:40:00.001-04:00

How to Find a Career Based on Your Strengths, plus why it makes sense to do so http://bit.ly/lFJdUn

2011-05-17T15:03:00.001-04:00

Use negotiation skills at work http://ping.fm/kfFm0

2011-05-16T16:35:00.001-04:00

Two Good Assumptions to Make During Job Search and what to do next http://bit.ly/jCVq1s

2011-05-06T18:10:00.001-04:00

was mentioned in article about tweets after killing of obl (Osama bin Laden) http://ping.fm/zuta2

2011-05-05T16:20:00.001-04:00

Job search is a marketing campaign. Market yourself effectively to employers via targeted search & materials. http://ping.fm/jV4Hu

2011-05-04T19:47:00.003-04:00

Ending one job and looking for or starting another? You're in transition. Read William Bridges' book Transitions. Buy @ http://myrightfitjob

2011-05-04T19:47:00.001-04:00

It's all about your impact, to potential employers. Show them! http://ping.fm/KirgA

You Don't Have to Try So Hard

2011-01-26T18:34:00.000-05:00

A friend talked to me today about her "malaise" - not feeling like trying anymore. As she said, "Trying definitely is trying!"

It prompted me to remember when I stopped trying so very hard to achieve whatever.

I stopped when I got really sick of being disappointed over and over again. I also realized that perhaps I was missing serendipitous opportunities or experiences by being so focused on what I wanted to happen.

It's difficult to let go of striving, especially living in a world that talks about "set a goal!" "don't procrastinate!" and "you control your destiny and life through your thoughts!"

I have come to see that I do have some control over my thoughts insofar as how I choose to view the world. Do I see it as a giant taskmaster, demanding great effort from me every hour? Or do I see it as a benevolent source of abundance that I can tap into when I am open to possibility and practice acceptance? I now choose the latter. It just feels better, honestly. Not so stressful or competitive.

That doesn't mean I have given up on dreams and intentions. Au contraire! I have many intentions and dreams, toward which I work every day. I simply gave up the time line and the pressure that brings. And I gave up the idea that I know how "it" should all turn out, and that I will only get my desired outcome if I work diligently and in a certain way. I do the next thing I can, check to see if it's aligned with my intention, and bid "adieu" to those thoughts that start pressuring me to "do more."

I love that my friend allowed me to be reminded that I really don't have to try so hard.

Business-Building: Identify Your Market

2009-11-10T16:36:00.003-05:00

Being happy in my work involves two main things: loving what I do, and loving the people I work with.

The second group I consider my market. So how can I simply and easily identify my market?

I start with these questions:

Who pops up in my brain when I think of who I want to work with? What kind of person do I resonate with? Who can I imagine spending time with? Who in my experience listens to me, values my opinions, asks me for advice and counsel?

That gives me such a great visual of who is in my market.

The second step is to write down all the descriptive words about these people: Their age and gender, financial situation and education level. Their concerns and hopes, their mindset and how they think, what they value and want out of life, the problems and challenges they face, the needs they have. The first part is "demographics" and the second is "psychographics."

Hopefully the people you describe are people with whom you will happily spend a lot of hours. If not, they are not your market.

Let go of any judgment. There are no "shoulds" in deciding your market. Either you resonate with these people or you don't. So surrender to what you already know and let yourself move to the next step of building a business - identifying those needs and challenges you want to meet with your product or service.

When Overwhelmed, STOP!

2009-10-08T22:14:00.002-04:00

Since Saturday, I've had a very bad flu. I'm not surprised that I got sick, when I look back at what my mind set was in the prior weeks.

I was feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by good things - opportunities, good results, fun times, creative inspiration, friends. I've cultivated wonderful relationships and pursued great activities. And they are all coming up trumps! This is a good thing.

At the same time, however, I've had significant physical pain and a lot of physical tiredness. Yet, because I am so hungry for community and success and results, I have chosen to do things instead of staying home. There were times I could have said "no" and instead said "yes." I stopped listening to my body, my higher self.

Then I began to get thoughts like "I just want to sleep" and "I want more time to draw" and "No more phone calls!" And I began to fall into some very old habits - specifically not answering the telephone or returning phone calls.

Finally, I got the flu. And so for this entire week, I haven't had to show up for anyone or anything. My job is to heal and get well. My job is to avoid contact with others so I don't pass this on to others.

Getting sick is an old, old behavior for me. I get sick because it's a reasonable excuse or reason to be unavailable. It's a legitimate way to get time alone, time off, time with no responsibilities. It used to also be a way to get sympathy from others. That no longer works for me - people may feel sympathetic but I know that I did not have to get sick if I didn't want to get sick.

My awareness is so sharp now. What do I take away from this episode? There are a number of lessons:

1) When I get the thoughts of "help me escape!," I need to shed obligations. Specifically, I need some time where I am completely unscheduled.

2) I am able to do much less than I wish I were able to do. That is my 100%. My 100% is not what anyone else thinks it is. My job is to do my 100%, and to handle what I can handle.

3) There is no "right" time frame for me reaching my goals. I am on the path, and will get there. When I feel panicked or rushed, it is a sign that I am gauging my progress by other people's time frames, not my own.

My goal in life is to be happy, not to meet anyone else's goals or dreams for me. When I get caught up in someone else's agenda, I lose myself, lose touch with my own rhythm and needs, and create a dis-ease within me - that then manifests as an illness. I haven't been sick for a long time because I've paid attention to myself and keeping myself feeling at ease within myself. That went out the window over the summer, when I got so caught up in the excitement of new friendships and new possibilities. My brain got the better of my gut instinct, that voice that told me I was overwhelmed and needed to SLOW DOWN or STOP.

I dislike being sick because I can't do all that I want to do. I wish this week I could have drawn, or picked out paint for my bedroom, maybe cooked some new recipes, repotted plants and cleared out some of the magazine clutter in my dining room and sunroom. Because I was/am sick, I can't do any of those things. I got the peace and quiet at such a high price.

Next time, I'll take it easy before I become dis-eased. I know how to be happy; now it's time to put those lessons into effect.

Changing My Beliefs for the Better

2009-09-30T14:32:00.002-04:00

Perhaps the most valuable achievement of my life is overcoming old beliefs about myself and my life. I highly recommend doing it.

At some point, after years of frustration, I realized that I could transform my life - that in fact I was the only one who could. I alone had the power to build up a toolbox of ways to create a more fulfilling and happier life.

For many years, I didn't know that I am the one who must decide to do something different. When I realized that I actually have that power - to make the decision and then follow through on it - my life began to look completely different to me. I'll say it again: I am the one who has the power to have a happier life. No one else. Not my parents, not your friends, not my significant others, not my coach, not anyone else, not even God. It all comes down to ME.

I don't know how I finally made that connection - I'd been hearing things like this for years and thinking that it was all BS. Here's how my thinking went:

"That's easy for you to say. But there are too many things out of my control - how can anyone say that my life and how I feel is all up to me? That's just unrealistic, not to mention that it feels like I'm being blamed for how my life is. Do you really think I'd be in this position if I didn't have to be? You're saying I chose this, and all I can think is that I hate being here - how can you say I want this when I am so miserable?"

I kept thinking about it, though, because I knew that what I resisted most was probably the area where there was most potential for me to learn and grow. It's those things that I defend myself against that tell me where I hurt, where I have fear, where I think I have something to defend. It became like a puzzle: why AM I so angry when I hear that I am responsible for how my life is? Why do I resist the idea that I create my own life? What pisses me off about the idea that I can tell what I want by looking at my life? And that if I wanted something different, I could have it simply by changing my thoughts? Why am I SO angry about this way of thinking?

Certainly, I hated the idea that I had brought bad things down on myself. Why would I do that? It made no sense, and sounded like "blaming the victim."

At one point, I put that question on the back burner because I couldn't figure it out. I'd periodically come back to it; in the meantime, I decided to try some of the tools I was gathering - just to see if they would make any difference. Why not try it? As the saying goes, "contempt prior to examination" will keep me in ignorance.

Gradually, I started to notice that I did have the power to make things happen - often for other people instead of myself. However, I did have some power. I started seeing that I could walk away from an argument instead of engaging in it. I could stop indulging in the negative thoughts that plagued me - two were "I'll never have the money I want" and "I just can't get out of debt." Instead I substituted positive thoughts: "I always have all the money I need" and "I am on the path to being fully solvent."

I found I immediately felt better when I said the positive things to myself. I noticed that a heavy weight lifted from my shoulders. I found that I could hold my head up, I didn't feel so much darkness around my eyes. Everything seemed brighter somehow. And I liked feeling better. I allowed myself to like it, to enjoy the feeling of "I'm on my path! I'm headed in the right direction, the direction I really want to go into."

Finally, I had some evidence that I could make a difference to myself. Finally, I could see that I had some power to improve my life. Had my circumstances materially changed? No. Was I more able to handle the challenges? YES! Because I felt better. I was able to get out of bed, first of all, and then show up for things. And I felt more capable. If I could change my mood with some simple changes in how I talked about a situation, then I could figure out how to deal with external things.

Today I know in my bones that I am in charge of my thoughts, my beliefs, my actions and thus my results - the state of my life. If I ever want to know what I really want, I look at what I'm doing. If I'm not happy with something in my life, I look at what I'm NOT doing. Then I either take the next logical step and action, or look at the beliefs and feelings that are in the way of my taking action. I dig them out, expose them to the air, and examine them to see if there's anything tangible embedded in there about which I can DO something. Again, the process leads to action.

Conquering my own mind is probably the most difficult thing I've ever done. I just didn't want to accept that there is a connection between my thoughts and beliefs and the circumstances of my life. I didn't want the responsibility, I think. That was the reward for being miserable - that I wasn't really responsible and didn't have to be responsible. I got to stay a kid, I guess.

I write all this to say I KNOW you can make a change in your attitude and beliefs. I've been there. If I can do it, you can do it. Really. I am no different than you, except that I have taken control of my thoughts and you are just starting down that road.

Think about what it would mean to put yourself first. Think about what it would take for you to commit to doing something different. Take a risk. You can make the life you want, if you really want it.

Pace Yourself

2009-09-24T13:44:00.003-04:00

A new Executive Director of a large NYC non-profit is completely swamped, and is not taking time for coaching - even though she knows it might help her. Here's what I reminded her about:

"When you started in this position, you and those around you understandably felt like the problems now can finally be solved...and fast! My experience is, however, that anything that doesn't get resolved probably didn't really need to be resolved yet. In fact, as time goes on you'll see that more information will be revealed related to the issues - information that will make even better resolutions possible.

Remember that it is CRITICAL for you to take care of yourself so you stay centered, solid, calm, and above all don't burn out. Pace yourself. And trust that you will know what to do first. The rest can wait. As long as clients are getting service and you're not being evicted, all other deadlines are fungible."

When I'm off-center, out of balance, over-stressed - I am a terrible leader. I'm not happy and neither are the people around me. Taking care of ourselves and pacing ourselves may seem like a selfish thing to do, and it certainly does anger some people who fail to see a bigger picture. How important is that, though? It's more important to be able to calmly explain to them what you ARE doing and why, what the other priorities are, and asking them for their help in managing the priorities, expectations and work load.

Motivating Quote from a Funny Man

2009-09-23T10:04:00.002-04:00

I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it. ~ Jonathan Winters

So often I have thought I needed to have something perfected, praised, complete, and DONE before I can unveil it. Meaning I wanted my project or writing or life to be a success BEFORE I go out into the larger world.

Of course, nothing is ever totally complete or perfect. Thus, I could wait forever to get in the game of life.

What I can do is put myself and my work out there, and expect feedback. Even more, I can welcome feedback, that will allow me to continue improving myself and my product.

What's Your Emotional Set Point?

2009-09-16T14:34:00.002-04:00

I have reset my natural emotional set point to "happiness."

It used to be set for depression and hopelessness. When things were hard or didn't go my way, I immediately thought "I quit!" or "I'll just kill myself." They are sort of extreme responses to what are really small events or occurrences. As the saying goes, "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

Over time, I got sick of feeling depressed and hopeless. And I got some perspective and information that enabled me to start to change my attitude, change my mind, choose to be happy. I am no longer willing to feel terrible. And I no longer have to! I am free to be happy.

Will I have difficulties and pain? Sure! I'm human, and actually I welcome these feelings. It reminds me I'm a human being, and I also get more material from which to grow. I use the feelings as information about where next I will go on my path.

Most important, with a "happiness set point," I now gravitate toward what will make me happy. I am motivated to use the experiences to become happy. It sure feels better than the alternative!

Is your emotional set point at happiness? It can be, and it's totally worth it.

Changing a Light Bulb

2009-09-16T13:01:00.002-04:00

Last spring, my amazing brother renovated my sun porch, making it a bright, soothing place for me to write, read and make art. One of the improvements was putting in "can lights" - the overhead spots in the ceiling.

Today I changed a light bulb using my telescoping "light bulb changer." It was incredibly easy: turn, turn, turn to remove the old light bulb; then turn, turn, turn to put in the new one. Was I happy?! Yes, I was. I absolutely loved having exactly the right tool for the job.

So what is the right tool for you to use on a project today?

Vertical Farming Makes Me Smile

2009-08-24T22:00:00.002-04:00

What an amazing idea! Imagine: Vertical farms in cities, using soil-less and water-frugal growing methods like hydroponics and aeroponics. Dickson D. Despommier, a professor of public health at Columbia University, has written a fantastic Op-Ed piece in the New York Times on just this topic.

Hydroponics allows us to grow plants in a water-and-nutrient solution, while aeroponics grows them in a nutrient-laden mist. These methods use far less water than conventional cultivation techniques, in some cases as much as 90 percent less.

We'd have beautiful glass-clad buildings growing green and red, blue and yellow, purple and orange fruits and vegetables. These rainbows would help city dwellers get healthy and stay healthy. And what a pot of gold for entrepreneurs, markets, chefs, cooks, schools...!

I thought green roofs made me happy but this takes to a whole new level the combined concepts of green roofs, urban farms, community gardens, and increased access to fresh food. It's a dream well worth having.

Celebrating Ben Franklin

2009-07-31T15:34:00.002-04:00

Ben Franklin was to the United States and the world what Leonardo DaVinci was to the Renaissance and the world. Maira Kalman's visual blog celebrates invention and invites us to do the same.

We are Perfect, Now

2009-07-30T17:36:00.001-04:00

God is the way out. Ultimately Reality awaits us there, in the arms of God. Yet to embrace God, we must embrace ourselves -- for we are One and the Same. We must love ourselves exactly the way we are. We must tell ourselves that it is okay just to be us; just to be who, and how, we are. We must tell ourselves that we are perfect, in the very way we are "showing up" today. There is nothing to be fixed, nothing to be corrected, nothing to be improved. We must understand that the path we are taking, and the way we are taking it, is perfect.

- Neale Donald Walsch, e-mail on December 3, 2006

Using Experiences to Grow

2009-07-26T14:36:00.002-04:00

In the depths of winter, I finally found there was in me an invincible summer.

- Albert Camus, author

Hard times can yield great strength. I think of the weed that grows from concrete - what a hard task that is! And yet there it is green and flourishing and constantly growing back no matter what we try to do to eradicate it. It is strong perhaps because of the adversity. When I expect an end to the trial and look for the light resulting from it - I have hope and greater ability to accept my response to the difficulty as a part of the growing and strengthening process.

How you do anything is how you do everything

2009-07-26T14:33:00.001-04:00

Don't be afraid to give your best at what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.

- Dale Carnegie

Concrete Ideas for Reducing Fear of Failure

2009-07-15T10:33:00.002-04:00

For all of us afraid of "failing," I found this great little article: Secrets for Turning Failure Into Success. It contains the most useful ideas I've seen in a long time on how to recast failure as an asset and a goal instead of something to be avoided.

I'm going to try some of them, like "Set 'No' Goals" and "Intentionally Increase Your Failure Rate." Pretty radical reformulation of failure, isn't it?

It fits completely into my philosophy of using every experience as a learning opportunity and a chance to help other people. The more I "fail," the more I learn and the closer I am to my own goals.

This is what I mean when I say "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly." I'm learning as I take action, and action moves me further along my path, leaving no chance for stagnation, entropy, stuck-ness.

My message to a VERY unhappy woman

2009-07-14T17:58:00.000-04:00

I am glad we had a chance to talk and to hear that you are still keeping on keeping on. Sometimes life does feel like a slog.

Perhaps you do need to make a radical change. Consider some of the possible radical changes you could make, and weigh the options. Just a reminder: radical change can involve actions, attitudes and situations. Everything is a choice and I've found that I feel less "at the mercy of" when I actively make a choice instead of feeling like I'm powerless and just have to submit.

I hear a lot of powerlessness in your venting, and I'm hopeful that by venting, you release some of that powerlessness and see that you are making choices. Yes, your choices are limited by circumstance. And yes, that sucks.

So what are you going to do about it? Choose how you want to feel. Choose how you want to talk about your life. Choose how you're going to approach your circumstances. Choose the goal toward which you're working. That means to articulate it - what ARE you working toward? Financial independence is not enough. What is your PURPOSE for being here on earth? And how are you fulfilling it?

Gurus

2009-07-09T11:52:00.002-04:00

Someone told me "guru" spelled out is "gee, you are you."

AHA! This coincides with my belief that real gurus hold mirrors up so we can see ourselves clearly. They encourage us to find our own path, rather than blindly following theirs. Gurus have found a way that works for THEM. I can learn and use their tools and truths without giving over my being and power of choice.

Any guru who insists that I do everything the way they say is simply after power over me and others. True gurus help me learn how to find my own internal power, to govern myself according to my own life circumstances and the many universal truths and values I learn to live by.

Choosing my perspective

2009-07-08T17:48:00.001-04:00

I'm building a new life based on the lessons I've learned over the past few years - and I'm not done yet. My perspective is that I'm fortunate to be someone who can learn, who can pick myself up, who can keep going and turn my fear and sadness into motivation. I don't deny my feelings, I channel and use them to keep me going on my path. And I choose to focus on all the positive aspects of my path - that by going through all I've experienced, I get to help other people who are on similar paths, facing similar challenges.

Positive thoughts & tweets

2009-06-15T13:47:00.002-04:00

I get tired of negative, angry, grinding axes...so I am the change I want to see. That means not complaining about other people's negative and angry thoughts and attitudes. Those are none of my business.

My business is to focus on positive things, have a positive attitude, look for the good in everyone and everything, and emit kindness and love. At least this is what I have control over. I don't always FEEL positive, yet I end up feeling better when I focus on what's good in the world instead of what's not.

Is it wrong for me to love grammar so much?

2009-05-27T22:13:00.002-04:00

I loved reading the post reached by clicking on this post's title, and the nearly 500 comments it occasioned. Many comments are substantive, and often I laughed out loud reading them. Language is so much fun! I enjoy knowing the "right way" to use words and grammar, and am equally pleased to laugh at my own pedantry.

Actions Speak Loudly

2009-05-27T21:12:00.000-04:00

My actions tell me exactly what I want; if I truly want something, I take actions toward it. Or I don't really want it.

New Job Search Sites

2009-05-11T21:21:00.003-04:00

Twitter-related Job Search

Tweetmyjobs.com is a new service that brings recruiters, hiring managers and job seekers together on Twitter. There are Twitter Channels for major cities and job types, and it's really easy to subscribe to those channels. They send job notices as text messages to your cell phone, and you can follow them on Twitter. They also send e-mail notices. They say they will "showcase US Stimulus Jobs."

Green Jobs

From our friends at Mother Earth News comes greatgreencareers.com to help you find meaningful work in the new green economy. Per their site:

All job seeker services are absolutely free. And remember, if you post your resume in the next 30 days, we’ll send you a complimentary copy of Finding a Green Collar Job, our new e-book!

Sustainlane.com/green-jobs is the job search function on Sustain Lane, the "People-Powered Sustainability Guide." You can search hundreds of listings on their "green-collar jobs board."

Job-hunt.org has a great list of green industry job search resources - job boards and "green color" employers. Job boards include EcoEmploy, Green Career Central, Greenjobs, GreenDreamJobs, PowerPlantPro, Renewable Energy World, Environmental Career Opportunities and Solar Jobs. "See Job-Hunt's state jobs pages for links to many more employers in each state, including those specializing in the green industry."

Hospitality Jobs

Hcareers.com has a great line-up of jobs throughout the hospitality industry, including hotels, restaurants, catering, tourism, and more.

Hospitalityonline.com is another site with hospitality jobs nationally.

Don't "Should" on Yourself

2009-05-11T21:19:00.000-04:00

When I let go of what and who I think I should be, I can accept who I am and become who I am meant to be.

Affirmation:

2009-05-05T10:39:00.000-04:00

I am safe and strong at my healthy weight.

Envy is a soul-destroyer

2009-04-28T10:30:00.002-04:00

Having experienced envy and been the focus of envy, I get how destructive it is.

Envy usually appears in my hating someone who has an asset that makes them stand out. It's a signal to me that I need to look at my own life, and that I probably want that thing in my life.

Rather than want to take it away from them because I don't have it, I need to focus on being grateful for what I already have and do.

I can also start working on developing that quality or ability, if it's within my reach. If I can't, then stop comparing myself to others - I will always come up short when I do that. Today, I choose not to be so unhappy.

Y.E.T.

2009-04-24T10:46:00.003-04:00

YET - stands for You'll Experience This.

Set your intention and have faith that you will realize it. If it hasn't happened, it just hasn't happened yet.

That's the promise of Y.E.T.

using Twitter happily

2009-04-22T15:28:00.003-04:00

Great "don'ts" for using Twitter. I totally ignore one of them - tweet no more than 5 times an hour or 10 times a day. Sometimes I just can't help myself. It's an addiction...what can I say?

New Green Jobs search site

2009-04-13T17:55:00.002-04:00

From our friends at Mother Earth News comes greatgreencareers.com to help you find meaningful work in the new green economy. Per their site:

All job seeker services are absolutely free. And remember, if you post your resume in the next 30 days, we’ll send you a complimentary copy of Finding a Green Collar Job, our new e-book!

Managing Up - a boss, a Board member, any authority figure - even co-workers!

2009-04-13T14:48:00.004-04:00

Click the title of this post for a great article on how the author's 4 year old daughter provides examples of how to manage up.

I'm especially impressed because the 4 year old is not manipulating her mother, she's simply doing what works to get the results she wants. She's paid attention and is using information strategically to improve her chances for success. I also note that she has multiple desirable outcomes, one of which is to maintain harmony with her mother. Perhaps that's the most important one.

Sometimes I suggest that people behave strategically at work to improve their relationships with bosses and co-workers, and my listener objects because it feels inauthentic and manipulative.

I don't buy that interpretation. If you're an unethical person, you won't be concerned about that in the first place. I think it's simply hard to change one's behavior. It's easier to object on so-called moral grounds than to actually observe oneself and do something different.

When you adjust your own behavior, you are exercising control over yourself. You still have no control over the other person's behavior or attitude. My experience is that if I'm trying to get something over on the other person that doesn't make good sense, then all my sweetness and light will come to naught. My nice attitude, delivery and behavior is more likely to get me a hearing and to result in cordiality all around in the event of a "no." That's it, though. It won't necessarily get me what I want.

Me, I'm always happy when things end cordially. I'd rather have that outcome than hard feelings, or a situation where I may say or do things I'm ashamed of later. If managing my own behavior can achieve that outcome, then I will do what it takes to achieve harmony.

Using Tweet Deck for Twitter

2009-03-16T18:19:00.002-04:00

OK, you've decided to use Twitter. Now how do you work the darn thing?

I believe the easiest thing to do is to download Tweet Deck (go to http://www.tweetdeck.com/beta/) - you have to also download something called Adobe Air which makes internet applications (like Twitter) function optimally on your desktop (don't ask me why or how, I just know that it works).

Tweet Deck has 3 columns - one is the feed from all the folks you follow, the middle is any @juliaerickson replies you get, and the last is any DM juliaerickson direct messages you get. It literally tweets if you have the sound on, so you hear when a new tweet comes in. It also notifies you of any incoming tweets (according to type - friends, replies, DMs) via a little black box on the upper right corner of your computer monitor. To send tweets, you need to click the little box on the left top next to the words Tweet Deck that looks like a cartoon text balloon. That makes the text entry box appear below it. A nice feature is that you have only to hit "enter" and the tweet will be sent.

The advantage of Tweet Deck is that it allows you to RT people's tweets automatically. When you move your cursor over someone's picture, you'll see four small boxes - clockwise from top left, they are: Reply, DM, Other, RT. So if you like a tweet, you just click on RT and the tweet will automatically be posted to the text box on top with the @xxx name and RT in front of it. You can make a comment if you like. Also, I edit to fit RT into 140 characters, which is OK as long as you don't mess up meaning (I use 2 for to or two; c for see; u for you; l8 for late, 4 for for, etc., and eliminate "a" "that" etc.).

Otherwise, to RT on the Twitter website, you have to copy their tweet, paste it onto the box where you tweet, add RT to the tweet and add @ in front of their name. Twitter will make the @ link live.

If you are posting a web link, Twitter only recognizes http://xxx addresses (not www.xxx). A very cool thing that Tweet Deck does is shorten long web addresses. Below the text box is a box labeled "shorten url" and you simply paste your long url in it, click the box to its right that says "shorten" and it automatically shortens the url AND pastes it right into the text box.

You totally can RT a tweet from someone YOU follow. People love to be ReTweeted, and this will bring you to their attention so they may follow you.

You can't Direct Message (DM) them, however. You can only DM people who also follow you.

FYI, regarding # (hash mark) posts - these belong to affinity groups and topics that people have started on Twitter. To find them on the Twitter website is quite tortuous and I can't really figure out how to do it consistently. It is easy on Tweet Deck. Simply click on the button along the top that looks like a magnifying glass and then enter #followfriday or #tweepletuesday or whatever group looks interesting to you. Tweet Deck will automatically add a new column to the right that shows you tweets posted to that topic. On the bottom of Tweet Deck is a white bar on a black background - click on it to get over to the next column. (I don't remember what that thing is called but you'll know what I mean).

Hope this helps!

It's OK to Learn Something New

2009-03-03T13:18:00.002-05:00

"The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand." Frank Herbert

Permitting ourselves to learn something new is very powerful. What are we naturally drawn to do? When backed up by a powerful "why," that is where we can make the commitment. Then we can tolerate not knowing, doing something badly as we learn it. "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly." That means if something is important to me as a step toward achieving my vision, I might as well go ahead and give it a go and allow myself to do it badly because it's new to me. I don't know how to do this new thing, and the only way I'll learn is by doing it. I don't have to be afraid of doing it badly if I accept that I probably will.

"When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." Audre Lorde

Hourly Work Search Engine

2009-02-26T17:24:00.002-05:00

If you're looking for hourly work, try Snagajob.com. It has listings of hourly employment across the country.

The site also has a section called HireLearning with articles about getting part-time jobs at various life stages, getting ahead, various jobs and industries, and doing resume and interview preparation.

One interesting function is the Wage Calculator that gives a range of pay for specific job titles. It can be customized to your experience and location, if you enter in a bunch more information about yourself (sort of a mini-job application).

Kids need recess - Grownups too!

2009-02-24T22:36:00.004-05:00

The New York Times article today provides evidence that children who have more than 15 minutes of recess behaved better in the classroom than those with less recess time. It allows children to rest their brain's "directed attention" and thus be able to return refreshed to tasks that require directed attention.

I'm sure this applies to grownups, as well. We need to get outside, play a little, allow our brains some rest from constant focus, constant attention, constant work. When we do take a walk or do some exercise, play with our pets or kids, or simply sit outdoors, we're resting a very important part of our brain. Just as sufficient sleep allows our bodies to function optimally, so too does a break from focused "directed attention" allow our brains to function optimally. It reduces mental fatigue and permits a renewed concentration.

While this study proves the efficacy of getting out into nature and/or playing for children, I've known it for a while. When I'm tired, I get outside. There's only so long I can spend writing or talking to people about their work issues or personal issues. Sometimes I just need to be what I call a "vegetable" - just sit without reading or watching TV. I do it best in a bubble bath or sitting and petting one of my cats. I love holding a cat and petting it, putting my ear close to its warm furry body and hearing that wonderful purr. It just calms me down and refreshes me. Playing with the neighbors' dogs also works wonders for my spirit. I feel more alive and able to get back to something that requires my focused attention - a puzzle, a book, a blog post.

What do you REALLY want?

2009-02-24T13:11:00.002-05:00

My actions always tell me exactly what I really want...whether I tell myself differently or not. If there's a disconnect between what I say I want and what I'm doing, it's good to become aware of that misalignment. Then I can start to align my actions with my wants.

For example, if I want to be thin, I know what kind of actions I need to take to reach that goal. Specifically, I must expend more calories than I take in. There are different combinations of actions to take - one is "eat less, exercise more" and another is "exercise a whole lot while eating the same amount of food" while another is "eat a lot less while exercising the same amount." Different payoffs come from each of these combinations.

The point is that if I don't do any of these things, I won't reach my stated goal. In which case, my true intention is the immediate gratification of my appetite and hunger. My actions tell me all I need to know about what I truly want.

Stop The Silence - For Our Children's Sake

2009-02-19T13:55:00.003-05:00

The Maverick Mom identified a very important non-profit cause Stop the Silence - a nonprofit that is completely focused on the heartbreaking work of dealing with the sexual abuse of children. www.12for12k.org is raising money to support its work.

Did you know that in the U.S. alone, at least one out of four girls and one out of seven boys are sexually abused by 18 years old. Nearly 50 percent of all sexual assaults are against girls aged 15 or younger. As a mother, these are statistics I can hardly bear to consider.

The life victims live if they are not properly treated is full of shame, poor school performance, depression, psychosis, promiscuity, teen pregnancy, prostitution, drug abuse, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) including HIV, homelessness, suicide and homicide, and chronic disease.

Stop the Silence has a three part mission to stem this epidemic. They are committed to exposing and stoping child sexual abuse and help survivors heal worldwide. The charity’s overarching goals are to:

1) help stop child sexual abuse (CSA) and related forms of violence;

2) promote healing of victims and survivors;

3) celebrate the lives of those healed.

Through their work, Stop the Silence aims to address the relationships between child sexual abuse and the broader issues of overall family and community violence, and violence within and between communities.

www.12for12k.org has made it their mission to raise money for this uncommonly worthy cause during the month of February. Even $10 will make a difference. I have made my contribution. I hope you will find a way to offer your support, too.

For our children’s sake, we cannot afford to ignore Stop the Silence. Join me, won’t you?

Web 2.0 for Visual Learners

2009-02-16T18:13:00.001-05:00

Love Tip Affirmation

2009-02-16T17:56:00.000-05:00

* I am irresistibly magnetic to the love of my life *

Finding Great Key Words - Perry Belcher video

2009-02-13T12:59:00.002-05:00

Michael LeBoeuf's The Millionaire in You

2009-02-09T14:34:00.001-05:00

Michael LeBoeuf shows that there are four things people need to know about money: how to make it, how to save it, how to invest it, and how to enjoy it.

The key is LeBoeuf’s Law: Invest your time actively and your money passively. These are LeBoeuf’s ten strategic choices aligned with the Law:

* Live the life you want instead of the life others expect.

* Stack the odds in your favor instead of against you.

* Be a supersaver instead of a big spender.

* Increase the market value of your time instead of working long hours.

* Do less better instead of trying to do it all.

* Capitalize on the unexpected instead of being derailed by it.

* Own the market instead of trying to beat the market.

* Limit your losses instead of letting bad luck ruin you.

* Listen to those who know instead of those who sell.

* Do it now instead of regretting it later

5 Ways to Be Successful and Happy (even rich!)

2009-02-09T14:28:00.003-05:00

Barbara Reinhold's article on Monster Five Habits of Millionaires tells us that millionaires have these common characteristics:

1. Avoid the Earn-to-Spend Mentality
2. Focus
3. Do Whatever Is Necessary to Meet Your Goal
4. Take Calculated Risks
5. Be Generous

As the article notes, "[t]hese five habits are a pretty good prescription for living happily even if you're not a millionaire."

Using Color

2009-02-06T22:13:00.002-05:00

In the New York Times article Reinvent Wheel? Blue Room. Defusing a Bomb? Red Room, there is wonderful information about the effect of color on our brains, our productivity and our abilities.

Red promotes accuracy, dominance (and therefore winning), recall, attention to detail, attractiveness (at least to men), hunger, thirst and sociability.

Blue promotes creativity, brainstorming, imagination, problem-solving and lingering at parties.

Interestingly, people in a yellow room ate more than people in a red room even though the red room people reported being hungrier and thirstier.

My kitchen is yellow and my dining room is red and blue. So I guess...my guests are hungry and thirsty, want to hang around, and will eat the leftovers in the kitchen.

Get in the flow of happiness

2009-02-06T13:07:00.000-05:00

Contrary to what most of us believe, happiness does not simply happen to us. It's something that we make happen, and it results from doing our best. Feeling fulfilled when we live up to our potentialities is what motivates differentiation and leads to evolution.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Good Business: Leadership, Flow, and the Making of Meaning, Page 38

Writing with Non-dominant Hand

2009-02-05T22:51:00.001-05:00

Non-dominant hand writing is a powerful tool for revealing and releasing old no-longer-useful beliefs and old hurts.

I suggested to someone that she use some information she got from a psychic about someone yelling at her, and therefore keeping her from reaching her goals. This is all happening on an unconscious, energetic level. So addressing it at a conscious level won't be effective. The method for finding out what's keeping her stuck is one I adapted from Dr. Brian Alman, a brilliant psychologist whose method allowed me to forgive a former employer for the nature of my ouster.

1. Use your non-dominant hand to give voice to the screaming woman. What is she saying? What messages does she want to communicate? What does she have to say that requires her to yell? What's the content of the yelling? Why is she saying it? What are her reasons? Just scribble rather than focus on forming legible words, as long as you keep her voice in your head as you are writing. You are channeling her messages onto the piece of paper. This takes about 10 minutes, or until she's done yelling.

2. Next, with your non-dominant hand, write down all your inner voices that are reacting to the screaming woman. Those are the voices that criticize her for what she's saying, how she's saying it, why she's saying it. There are voices that are afraid of her, and others that are disgusted. Some may be gleeful, glad that she finally got to talk. Whatever comes out, channel through your writing. This takes about 10 minutes, or until the inner voices are finished with their critique (with the non-judgmental meaning of "commentary").

3. Finally, with your dominant hand, write down whatever comes to your mind. This will be the observer of your process, and the truthteller - the voice that tells you what's really going on, and what the stakes seemed to be, what's behind the yelling, what's being protected.

I'm really curious to see how this works for my dear one. It certainly worked for me, but each person is different.

What is procrastination telling YOU?

2009-02-03T13:15:00.003-05:00

The Popular Practice of Putting Stuff Off by Alina Tugend in this weekend's New York Times lays out this really interesting point about procrastination:

"But chronic procrastination can be a symptom of a much deeper problem, one that does not respond to “just tweaking a variable,” Professor [Timothy A.] Pychyl said.

“It could be a symptom that you’re leading an inauthentic life,” he said. “You should take a look at the goals in your life and say, ‘Is this what you want to do?’ ”

So a key question to ask is what may be causing you to put off doing something. It may be as simple as not having enough information or it may be as big as no longer having the energy to invest in continuing to do the same unfulfilling things.

My own experience tells me that I put things off when I don't have enough information to move forward. The article makes this point as well when it tells the story of students who had to either briefly describe the type of person who opens a bank account, or define what's needed to open a bank account. Both would be paid $5, yet money proved not to be a motivator here. The difference was in how abstract or concrete the assignment.

The first group had to think, had to ruminate about a concept and then summarize their thoughts - and it's so true that it takes longer to write something short than it does to write something long. The second group simply had to list things, in no particular order. That's easy to do quickly.

My guess is that the first group might have been better able to act quickly if they had some guidelines to follow. "List characteristics of people who open bank accounts" might have engendered fast responses, as might "Briefly describe the type of person who opens a bank account. Use a friend or family member as your model." More information - either as explicit instructions or hints as to how to approach the task - makes the job easier to accomplish.

I now approach "procrastination" as a diagnostic tool rather than a character flaw. When I put something off that really needs doing, I know to ask the "why am I doing this? What additional information do I need? Or, is this really what I want to be doing?" Either way, I move off the dime and progress.

Take the action, let go of the result

2009-01-29T09:55:00.001-05:00

"You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result."
– Mahatma Gandhi

Ben Franklin strikes again!

2009-01-28T14:42:00.000-05:00

"While we may not be able to control all that happens outside of us, we can control what happens inside of us."
- attributed to Benjamin Franklin

Support for doing the difficult things in life

2009-01-27T14:53:00.002-05:00

Sunday, I talked to a woman who has worked 30 years for New Jersey's Department of Youth and Family Services (DYFS pronounced Dye-fuss). It's the place that monitors child welfare and helps kids who are being abused. I wondered how she kept going, since it is a place that could kill one's soul through all the terrible things you must see. She acknowledged that you do see the worst of people but also the best. And above all, she said the people who last there have a) a calling to do this work; and b) spiritual support. She said they belong to a church, synagogue, ashram, mosque - some community organized around spiritual lines that offers consolation, comfort, and love.

It made so much sense to me, because I have survived devastating circumstances only because of the communities to which I belong. I have grown physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally in communities. They may have been communities of two - me and my therapist - or communities of millions - on-line groups like Sparkpeople.com - or communities of shifting numbers - 12-step meetings or my Executive Directors' Roundtable. The number doesn't matter; what matters is that I was not alone. I was accompanied on my path, and accompanied others. I still am part of many communities, because I can't, don't want to, and don't have to travel this life alone. As John Donne said, "no man is an island" and this gal ain't one, either.

Then I thought about the term "self-help." What an unfortunate term, so profoundly unhelpful. It implies that the best way to achieve one's personal, professional, and emotional goals is to do it by yourself. That's what "self-help" means, right? Helping myself?

Don't get me wrong: I love self-help books. I own thousands, and have given away hundreds more. They - and the countless self-help CDs, DVDs, videos, pamphlets, workbooks, films, websites, and articles - contribute to my growth and development. They are useful tools. But that's what they are, tools. They do not constitute community. When was the last time a book returned your late-night phone call? Has a CD ever put its arm around your shoulder? Or a DVD answered your question? What article has asked you questions and then listened intently to your answer, showing excitement at your development or dawning awareness?

Without a community, I would stagnate and die. Self-help tools are not enough. I don't know what else to call them, but would love to figure out how to talk about them as the stepping-off point toward a community of people who also use these tools. There are many communities arising on the Internet now, the Web 2.0 phenomenon. People do gravitate together around common needs and interests. We humans are social creatures who crave community, but don't always know how to build it or participate in it, and often are afraid to risk exposing ourselves. It's so much easier to buy a book and into the illusion that "I can heal myself with these self-help materials." I wish that "self-help" didn't imply that we don't need community in order to grow.

Networking works

2009-01-27T14:43:00.000-05:00

“Three-quarters of people find jobs through being out there, engaged and meeting people,” said John A. Challenger, C.E.O. of Challenger Gray & Christmas, the outplacement firm. www.nytimes.com

I celebrate small stuff

2009-01-13T11:38:00.002-05:00

Over the weekend, I cleaned up my tools and screws, putting similar things together and in one place. This is step by step organizing with no deadlines. It's been my intention to organize things, gathering from many locations into one central place - & it is happening!

So I celebrate, and file away the experience as an example of having patience with myself and confidence that I will fulfill my intentions.

Great values to live by

2009-01-12T21:23:00.002-05:00

Judith and Jim (www.judithandjim.com) sent an e-mail with these wonderful guidelines from Anna Weber:

I open my heart daily to a life of prosperity and happiness by...

1. Creating quiet time for reflection, gratitude, prayer...

2. Exercising so I experience my best physical self.

3. Organizing my environment to keep my life flowing and uncluttered.

4. Nourishing myself for vital health with appropriate food, water and rest--and removing toxins from my life.

5. Interacting with people I love and enjoy that are uplifting, inspiring and supportive.

6. Mentally stimulating myself with reading, writing and other creative activities.

7. Being deeply connected to and through The Universe.

8. Affirming, with great clarity and passion, those things which I desire.

9. Honoring my commitments--to myself and others.

10.Being open to all possibilities as I nourish myself, empower my mind, and uplift my spirit.

They suggest applying these principles over the next 7 days and see what happens. I say strive to incorporate them into life every day, in little ways, and see how much happier, content and serene you become and remain.

Vinegar solves problems - low-cost, ecologically sane

2009-01-11T14:50:00.002-05:00

I love these tips from This Old House (Jan/Feb 2009)and Woman's Day (Nov. 11, 2008) magazines regarding uses of vinegar.

Yesterday, my sister and I tried one out - using vinegar and warm water to remove 1970's wallpaper from her kitchen - and it worked extremely well. When we used a scraper, it seemed the paper just melted away from the wall - big, long, satisfying strips of paper peeling off. The trick was to thoroughly saturate the paper. Also, we had to use it on two layers of paper - the pretty outside stuff and the bottom gluey stuff. Her 6 year old joined in, it was so easy. And with my physical limitations, I had to sit - but that didn't stop me from contributing huge swathes of paper removal, with this technique.

Before I list the tips, I have a comment on apple cider vs. white vinegar. Apple cider is in most households, so you probably won't have to go out to buy it but it stinks - literally. You may have to go out to buy white vinegar; however, it is equally inexpensive as apple cider vinegar (you don't need the organic kind for cleaning!) and it doesn't smell very much at all. It's up to you as to which you use, except when one is recommended.

These are the tips:

1. Peel off wallpaper. This Old House recommends equal parts of vinegar and water. We used mostly water and about two tablespoons of vinegar per spray bottle. And we used white vinegar to avoid a smell.

2. Clean dirty windows. This is my own tip based on personal experience. Years ago, I cleaned New York City kitchen windows with apple cider vinegar and warm water and used newspaper. The solution cut through decades of city soot and grime and left the windows sparkling clean. It took two or three applications and wipings. The newspaper eliminated streaks and lint residue - plus cost nothing (and we recycled it later). Sure, it smelled, but no worse than a glass cleaner and it was a LOT less expensive.

3. Revive old paint brushes. This Old House recommends that we soak gunked up nylon brushes in hot vinegar for up to 30 minutes, wash with soap and water, rinse and dry. I have to try this with some old brushes I have. I take it that this method may not work with natural bristles. And I'll bet it will work only with latex water-based paint, not oil-based.

4. Woman's Day reminds us that we can clean coffee makers by brewing up 1 part white vinegar and 2 parts water. They recommend doing this every three weeks.

5. Kill grass and weeds. Obviously, this means unwanted grass and weeds, specifically those between bricks and flagstones. I have experience with this Woman's Day tip, finding it to work pretty well. It only works with weeds that already are apparent, and I had to repeat many times that summer. I love organic solutions and am willing to do the ongoing maintenance required by such an approach.

6. Remove decals and stickers. By daubing vinegar onto the sticker, it loosens the adhesive. You still have to scrape with an appropriate scraper (single edge razor blades works well, IF you keep them out of reach of kids). Like This Old House, I have gotten stubborn adhesive residue off with all kinds of vinegar.

7. Avoid moldy cheese. I am eager to try this Woman's Day suggestion, because I love cheese and hate when it gets moldy. Now that I'm on my weight-release program, I eat less cheese and it goes bad way too quickly. For this, I'll use white vinegar.

8. Whiten grout. If you have white grout that now is yellow or stained, This Old House suggests dipping a stiff toothbrush in vinegar and then scrubbing. This tip helps me use those old toothbrushes that are completely unsuitable for brushing teeth because they rip at my gums!

9. Keep paint from peeling. Leave it to This Old House to have two paint-related tips for vinegar! In this one, they refer specifically to painting galvanized metal or concrete. If you are one of those who might do so, use a lint-free applicator to wipe the surface down with vinegar and apparently the paint will last longer. How much longer, they don't say. It can't hurt to try adding this extra step to what must be an unusual paint project.

10. Prevent colors from running. In the "extra step" department that might pay off big, Woman's Day suggests soaking new clothes or towels for 15 minutes before washing in equal parts vinegar and cold water. I'm going to try this, because I have had too many colors run onto things I don't want them to run onto. I wash in cold water, so I assume wrongly that colors won't run. But they do!! Dark colors somehow get a dark shadow from the darker article of clothing. My bright pink shirt got a very slight red pattern from its red laundry mate. It's very annoying. Vinegar to the rescue! It's a good use for my bucket, too.

11. Dissolve rust. If any of you are like me in forgetting garden tools outside in the rain, this tip is for us. This Old House suggests soaking old tools and corroded nuts and bolts in vinegar for a few days, then rinsing with water and watching the rust disappear. I will try it come spring time when I can limit the smell and mess to the outdoors or garage.

12. Test soil pH. Finally, an inexpensive way to tell whether my garden will produce pink or blue hydrangeas! This Old House tells me to put a handful of dirt in a small container and sprinkle vinegar on top. Alkaline soil will fizz. I guess acid soil does nothing. Now I just have to find out what color hydrangea is produced by what kind of soil and decide what I want.

13. Freshen wilted vegetables. I eat at home all the time and still have wilted vegetables. I buy a lot of produce when I shop and simply can't/shouldn't eat all of it in the short time frame before wilt sets in. Woman's Day says I can at least salvage the leafy vegetables by soaking them in 2 cups of cold water mixed with one tablespoon of vinegar for 10 minutes. Leafy vegetables to me means lettuce and greens. Personally, I've extended the life of my lettuce by wrapping it in a damp paper towel and storing in a plastic bag. I don't know how necessary the vinegar is.

14. Remove mineral deposits from showerheads. I've read this tip before, but This Old House improves on it by suggesting using warm vinegar in a resealable plastic bag. Completely submerge the showerhead holes in the vinegar and then seal the bag for an hour. After rinsing and wiping clean, the showerhead should run clear once it is reattached. I don't know if my showerhead is clogged by mineral deposits, but if it is, I'll try this.

15. Remove wax or polish build up. This Old House says you can remove build up on wood or leather. For wood, use equal parts water and vinegar and wipe with the wood's grain. Leather requires 2 parts water to 1 part vinegar and a circular rubbing motion. I'd want to make sure I have build up on my wood before I try this, as my sense is that water and vinegar can be very drying to wood. I plan to try it on my leather car seats.

16. The last tip is counterintuitive to me, for This Old House says I can protect my hands from irritation when I'm using concrete, drywall and other building materials. Rinsing with a mix of 1 part vinegar to 2 parts water before washing up will neutralize the caustic alkaline content of such materials and reduce the possibility of skin irritation. Hmm...I'll suggest that my brother the handyman try this one.

There are so many other uses for vinegar - low cost, ecologically safe, easily obtained. Perfect for this time in our world!

Website Magazine says:

2009-01-08T13:12:00.001-05:00

Google has found the most effective formats are the 336x280 Large Rectangle, the 300x250 Medium Rectangle, and the 160x600 Wide Skyscraper. Keep in mind that while these ad formats typically perform well, you should use the format that best complements your pages.

Action every day

2009-01-06T12:25:00.001-05:00

Zig Ziglar said...

"People often tell me that motivation doesn't last, and I tell them that bathing doesn't either. That's why I recommend it daily."

We DO Make Progress!

2008-12-23T12:23:00.001-05:00

This is for all the people (like me) who want to get where we are going MUCH faster than we are going!

I am a slow walker, but I never walk backwards.

- Abraham Lincoln, U.S. President

A shopping site you can't NOT join! ask me about it.

2008-12-16T18:13:00.001-05:00

Fashion Industry Job Sites

2008-12-16T14:31:00.002-05:00

I know someone interested in changing careers to enter the design industry, focusing on fashion. I found a bunch of job search sites for the fashion industry. I said to her:

"Looking at the jobs will give you an idea of what is out there and what kind of qualifications you need to have. That information is essential for you to craft a plan for getting to where you want to go."

Starting a career change is as much about gathering information from external sources as it is about gathering internal information about what moves you, challenges you, excites you. So these are places to explore the fashion bug!

www.fashioncareers.com
on-line career center of WWD and Footwear News. Has many jobs of many types, including 144 today in NYC. Lots of footwear jobs, as well as apparel.

www.stylecareers.com
The best companies, the most jobs: "Use StyleCareers to find your next job in the fashion industry"
Many jobs are on this site today including more than 250 jobs in NYC.

www.fashion.net/jobs
the guide to all things chic with "an abundance of hip positions and internships"
Fewer jobs than the first two sites, but still plenty, with wide variety. 14 today in NYC.

www.creativejobscentral.com/fashion-jobs
A CreativeJobsCentral.com site: The best source of fashion industry jobs
Need to give them your e-mail address to enter site. Then you cannot see jobs unless you join the site. Membership costs between $10.50 for each of 3 months and $13.99 for 1 month. They claim 4000+ jobs. Because of the restriction, it's hard to tell if they actually have the jobs.

www.fashion-careers.biz
We have the best opportunities for every type of fashion job! At 24 Seven, we work with some of the top names in the fashion industry. Our clients have hundreds of freelance and full time positions available. Apply today for a career in: accessories and apparel design, advertising, entertainment, action sports, home furnishings, marketing, corporate retail and beauty.
This company does recruiting for the industry and its ads and jobs are also featured on fashioncareers.com and stylecareers.com.

www.fashioncareercenter.com/jobboard
"Browse fashion jobs across the country in a variety of industries, or post your resume for potential employers to see. Your fashion career could start right here!"
76 jobs today from past 90 days were posted. 29 were in LA and 11 in NY.

ww.wellthreaded.com
"careers made to fit"
This site appears to have very few jobs overall, none today in NYC.

www.apparelsearch.com/employment and www.apparelsearch.com
"Apparel Search is an apparel industry directory providing members of the fashion industry with links to virtually every aspect of apparel, fashion, textiles, and clothing."
These sites warehouse fashion jobs from other Internet sites. Today they had 1,459 jobs from around the Web.

www.vault.com
"Vault will be the indispensable provider of information and solutions for professionals and students who are pursuing and managing high-potential careers. We will achieve this goal by delivering the timely and actionable insider information and advice that allows them to define and achieve personal success at every stage of their careers."
You must join the site to see jobs; two levels of membership, Basic which is free and Gold which costs a minimum of $45 ($15 for each of 3 months). While there isn't a "fashion" category of jobs, by entering "fashion" into the search engine as a keyword, it looked like there were 9 jobs in NY today.

fashion.about.com
So you want to do fashion for a living? Find out more about the best jobs and where to find them.
This really is a basic research site to learn more about the kinds of jobs there are in fashion and become familiar with the various companies and hiring agencies. While the site appears to have a job search capability (divided into Fashion, Merchandising, Retail and Fashion Design), the links take you to sites full of advertising. Use only for research!

www.thefashiontool.com
www.themarketerstool.com
www.theretailtool.com
A group of human resources and executive search professionals from different industries.
This also is a membership site. To view the most jobs, you need to join www.fashionjobspro.com. Minimum is $14.95 for one month, $45.95 for six months and $54.95 for 12 months. You can also join at different levels, which may include a resume review and a coaching session (also available for separate fees).

www.clothingindustryjobs.com
Fashion Industry jobs employment careers!
Many jobs are in LA, Hong Kong and Dubai (only a couple in NY).

www.partnerup.com
PartnerUp is a Web 2.0 online community for small business owners and entrepreneurs. We enable business owners and entrepreneurs to connect with other business-minded people. They can get advice and answers to their questions, find helpful resources, or simply chat about whatever issues are facing their businesses.
While it was suggested on several sites for networking, I'm not sure how because I'm not yet familiar with the site's capacity.

Interesting group of Job Search sites

2008-12-16T14:21:00.004-05:00

I just found this search engine, The Job Tool- really, a suite of search engines focused on different industries.

www.TheEntertainmentTool.com
www.TheExecutiveTool.com
www.TheFashionTool.com
www.TheFinanceTool.com
www.TheGraphicDesignTool.com
www.TheHospitalityTool.com
www.TheInternshipTool.com
www.TheMarketersTool.com
www.TheNonProfitTool.com
www.TheNursingTool.com
www.ThePublicRelationsTool.com
www.TheRetailTool.com
www.TheSalesTool.com
www.TheSportsTool.com
www.TheTechTool.com

Here's what they say about themselves:

We are a group of human resources and executive search professionals from different industries. We agreed that job boards were often hit or miss but certainly not a fad. Furthermore, these sites, this world, had so much promise as a meeting place for employers and candidates that it was impossible to ignore. For two years we studied general and niche job boards extracting positive pieces and excluding the cumbersome. For two years we listened to employers and candidates needs and forecasts. For the last year we found a better, faster and more fluid way to build not a job board but an employment community. We are here, committed to changing with the needs of your business and your career. Our sites are run by niche experts and developed by you.

While you can view a certain number of jobs for free, many of the jobs are for viewing only by members.

The minimum cost is $14.95 for a month, which will renew automatically month after month unless you cancel it. You also can purchase a six month ($45.95) or twelve month (54.95) membership. With a paid membership, the site also offers resume critique (NOT rewrite) for $39.95, 1/2 hour career coaching sessions at $90/hour, and resume creation for $225.

I have not experienced these services so cannot comment on their effectiveness.

Watch TV, Be Less Happy?

2008-12-07T17:15:00.003-05:00

There was a recent study that showed a correlation between unhappiness and the amount of TV people watched (see www.reuters.com). The University of Maryland found that "unhappy people watch more TV while those consider themselves happy spend more time reading and socializing."

I wondered if it was true for me. These days, I do watch a little TV, not as much as I did when I lived alone in NYC and didn't have a lot of friends because they moved away to other states. I was unhappy and I watched more TV.

So I moved to the 'burbs to be near my sister and her family. Now I'm happy and don't watch TV very much. I think that how happy I am controls how much TV I watch. I don't know if watching TV makes me unhappy. Of course, when I watch TV, I don't have interaction with other human beings so that may end up making me unhappy.

One exception: I usually watch TV with my 6 year old niece, and we end up having lots more fun later when we sing the songs or talk about the shows and their lessons.

Really, I'd rather be with other people. However, it is certainly a great conversation piece to be able to comment on the latest developments in a certain show. For me, it's Heroes and CSI as well as various home improvement shows and Biggest Loser. Also I watch some news and financial stations. Now those definitely make me unhappy, because I'm taking in bad news (especially these days!)

Reminding ourselves to have better habits

2008-12-02T15:30:00.012-05:00

Samuel Johnson wrote, “Man needs more to be reminded than instructed.” So true.

I find that it's important to maintain constant vigilance when I am developing a new habit. I have tons of information and not always the willingness to use it for my own benefit. Developing willingness comes about internally, but it also is helped when I am constantly surrounded by reinforcing messages that I will benefit from using the information.

For example, as I work to let go of my excess weight, I find it very helpful to be reminded that I can do it, that it will benefit me if I do it, and that there are other people out there doing it, too. So I seek out sites and people that provide those reinforcing reminders. So far it's working and I'm changing my eating habits - putting all that "instruction" to good use, at long last.

Coping with loss

2008-12-01T23:59:00.001-05:00

How do you deal with loss in a healthy way? Some ways I've found helped me after big losses:

* Talking to people who love me, and finding at least one person who has the patience to listen to me over and over and over and over and over...

* Getting angry, knowing that I will have plenty of time to forgive and I don't have to do it now. Anger is energizing and healthier than depression, IMHO.

* Not turning to food because I end up feeling worse about myself when I overeat, and forgiving myself for any overindulgences while getting back on track.

* Posting here, there and everywhere as a way to vent and process my feelings.

Maybe you do the same kind of things. If you don't, try one or two - it may help you feel better.

Follow your own path

2008-11-19T23:07:00.005-05:00

Listen to all, plucking a feather from every passing goose, but follow no one absolutely.

- Chinese proverb

Keep taking action!

2008-11-18T08:39:00.005-05:00

I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experiences behind him.

- Eleanor Roosevelt, human rights advocate

What Oprah Knows For Sure

2008-11-12T15:06:00.004-05:00

In the November issue of O Magazine, Oprah lists 20 things that she "knows for sure." I like these the most:

#4 When people show you who they are they are, believe them the first time. (A lesson from Maya Angelou.)

#11 Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn't lie.

#18 Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward.

Of course, there are so many other amazing insights from Oprah and from the many people she asked to share what they "know for sure." It's a great magazine that supports all of us to grow, and grow happy.

The Making of a Habit

2008-10-30T16:08:00.002-04:00

This is an article I read today at www.sparkpeople.com that is so clear and helpful.

I think I can speak for many when I say this journey to a healthier you isn’t as easy as it’s cracked up to be. If all we had to do is eat better, get in some good cardio, do a little strength training here and there, and manage our stress, then certainly we should be at our goal in no time. Right?

Once again it isn't always quite that easy as many of you know. And I think I may have been given a key to the reason why we struggle to get to our goal--it all has to do with one little word--habit.

As many of you already know, I am a runner. Over the summer I worked with a running coach to help me gain a better perspective on this sport. On this particular June morning Coach Lee took me and my fellow running pals to the local high school track for some speed drills. As we were working on the drills I was having issues with my right foot not aligning correctly. Every few minutes I would hear the following words echoing across the track from the far side, “Keep your feet straight, Nancy.” It seemed like these words were a constant stream every time I ran around the track. By the time we were done, I think I heard that phrase a bazillion times. I was so frustrated because just when I felt I was doing the so-called ‘right way’ of running, there was Coach Lee shouting yet again, “Keep your feet straight, Nancy.”

We started heading back to the gym and I was not a happy camper, to say the least. I felt the harder I was trying the more I would hear those words. I finally decided to tell Coach Lee just how I felt.

And this is what he said, “I am your cue, Nancy. I am going to tell you when you start to falter so that YOU will recognize when you are falling back into your old habits. This is so you can work on recognizing it for yourself. In order for something to become sub-conscious or natural, you must make a conscious connection to the habit in which you want to break or make.”

Let me tell you, I have never ever looked at any habit, good or bad, any other way since. Here is a kid, just out of college, telling me a woman, old enough to be his mother, how to make a habit. I think that is what we often refer to as Aha! moment or as I like to see it--a blessing.

And you know, I think he is onto something. In order for us to make or break a habit we must consciously be aware of what we are doing until we change permanently; therefore, we no longer have to think, we just do. If we don’t learn how to cue ourselves to change than we fall prey to living the same way we always have.

These are the little voices inside our heads that tell us that we deserve to live a healthy lifestyle. Soon one voice is exchanged for another and then another, but when they are all working in conjunction WE HAVE MADE A HABIT! .

So from now on whenever I hear those infamous words, “Keep your feet straight, Nancy” I will not listen with a critical heart but instead be grateful that Coach Lee was willing to teach me just not to think but do.

Has anyone inspired you to make or break a habit? Do you find that it is harder to break bad habits or make good habits? What habits have you finally let go and what habits have you embraced?

By: Nancy Howard, 10/29/2008

Find your voice

2008-10-29T14:58:00.000-04:00

When you engage in a work that taps your talent and fuels your passion--that rises out of a great need in the world that you feel drawn by conscience to meet--therein lies your voice, your calling, your soul's code.

- Stephen Covey, The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness

New Education Ideas

2008-10-22T17:13:00.003-04:00

How can we help children learn better? View this edutopia.org/sir-ken-robinson-creativity-part-two-video, read this edutopia.org/bright-idea-gaming-creative-teaching, and view this bookosphere.net/briteidea.htm.

Surprising quote from Nietzsche

2008-10-22T10:20:00.002-04:00

Who would have thought this sentiment could come from from the guy who seems to have invented existentialism and nihilism?

"Much more happiness is to be found in the world than gloomy eyes discover." Friedrich Nietzsche

The point is made yet again: it's our attitude that matters!

Optimism comes from the Latin word optimus, meaning "best." So it's our choice to look for the best in life's happenings.

The Habit of Self-Denigration

2008-10-21T12:35:00.002-04:00

Today, I spoke to 2 women who are doing so much in their lives. Yet both feel terrible about themselves. One is depressed, and the other is looking at what she hasn't done. When I point out to each of them how successful they are in certain areas, they seem to automatically contradict me or point out something they haven't done.

It's the "automatic" part that makes me suspect that these women are in the habit of feeling bad about themselves - at least in some part.

I know the habit of self-denigration very well in my experience, and it is a VERY hard one to break. How do you do it?

Start with awareness. Be aware that you do it. Notice when you put yourself down. That's the first step toward change.

Then accept that you do put yourself down. A little bit of understanding "why" helps.

Mostly though, it's important to switch thoughts. If you catch yourself doing it, stop. Substitute a positive thought. For example, if you catch yourself saying "I'm so lazy," instead try saying "I'm so silly for thinking I'm lazy!" or "I must be tired because if I had energy, I'd do it" or "maybe I don't want to do this thing, that's why I'm not doing it." Just try it!

Attitude is just about everything

2008-10-17T10:53:00.000-04:00

There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.

~W. Clement Stone

Reaching a Healthy Weight

2008-10-15T17:35:00.003-04:00

Check out Sparkpeople.com if you want to get to a healthy weight. I'm finding that it is helping me articulate and then make progress toward my goals.

Focusing on reaching a healthy weight is so much more empowering than "trying to lose weight." Who wants to be a loser? Not me! And that's probably why I have been unsuccessful in previous "weight loss" campaigns.

Rob Riopel from Peak Potentials said at a seminar that he doesn't like to talk about losing weight because we usually try to find what we lose. And I always find my lost weight again. He suggested reframing it as "releasing weight." That made so much sense to me.

Now, I catch myself saying "losing" weight and realize it feels so depressed and "loser-like" - no longer feels natural. I much prefer thinking of it as letting go and releasing of weight I no longer need.

In my early 30's, I put on a lot of weight when I worked for a government agency and few people respected me. I needed to be able to "throw my weight around" plus eating seemed to soothe my anxiety and stress.

It occurs to me, as well, that the phrase "gained weight" is not useful for me. "Gains" are usually positive. However, in my case, adding on weight was not a positive thing. It was putting on a disguise, a shield, some armor to protect myself from the outside world that felt hostile and unfriendly. So the weight was not really a "gain" - it was protection and a burden. So maybe a better term is "took on weight."

Today, I don't need to take on any more weight or burdens. I can shed or let go of excess in all areas of life - from clutter to pounds, from ill-fitting clothes to random stuff.

It's a relief to talk about my weight - something of which I've been ashamed. So I am letting go of the shame - yet another unnecessary burden.

Nelson Mandela quote

2008-10-14T16:16:00.002-04:00

This is an amazing quote that tells me to be fully myself, as powerful as I am and can be.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Focus especially on making choices that move you toward your greatness, your power. Sometimes I know I am headed in that direction because some others around me get upset. As long as I stay in my own power, sure and confident in my decision, these others get the opportunity to conquer their fear and anger. My sureness and confidence allows me to be loving and compassionate toward them, rather than upset at their upset. The love I extend feels safe and can help dissipate fear.

ONE GOAL - Great advice from BizWeb E-gazette (with my added comments)

2008-10-03T11:38:00.003-04:00

Here's a great answer to the question of "why am I not making money on the web?" I apply this answer to other questions like "why am I not reaching my goals?" and "I keep trying, but I'm not succeeding - why?"

The first thing you need to do is focus your efforts to a SINGLE project. For most people that starts with minimizing information overload and paralysis by analysis.

Reduce the number of newsletters and ebooks you read each week. Do not worry about losing out on the latest information. Chances are, you already have enough information to put yourself on the path to success if you just use whatever you've got now instead of perpetually reading, studying and learning the so-called latest method in internet marketing.

Do you think the gurus got to where they are by constantly reading e-books without doing actual marketing?

Spend your time such that it gives maximum returns everyday. Maximum returns are NOT attained from reading e-books, watching videos and listening to podcasts. You don't make any money doing those activities.

Sure, learning is essential but if you spend too much time on educating yourself, you can actually minimize your income potential. So set aside just two hours every Friday for those learning activities.

The next step is to start spending ALL of your other work time doing tasks that actually make you money.

I'll add that it's beneficial to focus on ONE GOAL instead of several. Work toward that one goal.

First, of course, we need to settle on that ONE GOAL. Choosing sometimes seems impossible.

My experience is that when I focus on ONE GOAL, I start to experience success in that area. That success provides more motivation for me to keep working at that ONE GOAL. Eventually, this success feeds my motivation and energy to tackle another goal.

Selecting the ONE GOAL can be difficult. I try to determine what's most important to me RIGHT NOW.

* Am I worried about money, afraid I won't be able to pay my bills or retire in the future? Then the ONE GOAL is to achieve financial stability.

* Am I overweight and worried about my health because of it? Am I afraid I'll get diabetes or have a heart attack or stroke sometime in the future? Then my ONE GOAL is to release my extra weight, to let it go!

Essentially I know enough to do almost anything. If I don't, I can set aside some time to learn more. Also I can learn from my experiences from doing. So I just take action - the next step.

Check out Bizweb2000 for more info.

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

2008-10-03T11:32:00.001-04:00

I have to share this amazing passage. It brought tears to my eyes with its simple and powerful message.

The salvation of man is through love and in love.
--Viktor Frankl

The panhandler on the busy street corner reels forsaken. The elderly woman whose phone doesn't ring stares through a gap in her drawn drapes and wonders if she's been forgotten. And awaiting the prayed for visit from a potential foster parent, the child is fearfully certain he won't be acceptable.

The tragedy is that so few of us have experienced whole and unconditional love from the significant people in our lives. So few of us are certain of our value in the lives of others. For parents and teachers we performed to earn their favor. From friends we expected acceptance, yet sometimes we bought it. And because we haven't known the pleasure of unconditional love but have been perpetually in search of it, we've not felt adequate to offer it to others. It's difficult to give away what we fear we don't have; yet, paradoxically, that's the key to our salvation.

As we give others our love, we'll likewise experience a greater measure of it. And it need not come from outside. It will, instead, well up from within. We each have the power of personal salvation. All we must do is love.

From Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

Twitter

2008-09-30T10:57:00.004-04:00

I love Twitter! It's interesting to follow other people, yes. But the real value for me is that I have a chronicle about my thoughts and activities. I don't Twitter every day or every hour of the day - I try for every two days, though.

I use the updates as the basis for blogging. It gives me great practice in pithy writing, too! With 140 characters, there's no room for perfection, either.

I recommend Twittering for writers who may qualify for "Extra Sentences Anonymous," the recovery program for people who say too much.

(You know there isn't really such a program...)

Starting a Successful Business

2008-09-30T10:51:00.002-04:00

I just love finding free things that expand my knowledge and consciousness!

I was just listening to audio hosted by Elizabeth Marshall of The Knack, a book written by Norm Brodsky & Bo Burlingham (Inc. Magazine Columnists). The book sounds as if it contains very practical advice about setting up a solid business - moving beyond vision into the real, simple steps of making it work. Check out Norm & Bo's book here: http://snipurl.com/knackbook.

FYI, Elizabeth Marshall is the Host and Founder of AuthorTeleseminars.com (by the way, I just like the book - I'm not an affiliate).

Antidotes to Worry

2008-09-30T10:35:00.002-04:00

There seems to be a lot to worry about these days. In my experience, worry doesn't actually do anything. It does, however, often cause stress, anger, and short tempers. I observe then that the worrier tends to take their stress out on people we really love, with yelling, curtness, impatience, crabbiness, etc. Usually what follows is guilt and remorse, because we know we've hurt people we love.

So I try not to worry. How do I do that? Action and planning and faith are my antidotes to worry.

There's always a next step to take, be it gathering information from knowledgeable sources or not purchasing that thing that seemed so necessary or saving a little bit of money each day. We don't know what might happen, so it pays to be cautious right now. I am being prudent in my plans, putting things off and being a little less ambitious, as well as lengthening my time horizon from a year to five or ten years from now. Finally, I trust in my God. I will always be OK as long as I have faith that I will always be OK. No matter what happens, I will have the strength to find a solution. Faith helps me be open to a solution appearing to me.

Remember the story about the devout guy who's in a flood? He goes to the second floor of his house, saying "God will provide!" A boat comes by and the people say "climb in! we'll take you to safety." He says, "no thanks, God will provide!" The water gets higher and he's in the attic. Another boat of people come by saying "come on, get in, time's running out!" Again he tells them "no, God will provide!" Finally, he's on the roof of his house when a helicopter comes by and drops a line. He shakes his head, shouting "God will provide!" Of course, he drowns. When he gets to heaven, he asks God "why did you let me drown?" God says, "I sent two boats and a helicopter - what more did you want?"

For me the moral of the story is that answers, help, and solutions are all around me if only I let go of my idea of what the help should look like. Once I take off my blinders of certainty, I get a new view of the world. Openness to all the universe has to offer is a key element of my faith - now, more than ever!

Another Job Search Resource

2008-09-25T14:28:00.002-04:00

Emily Kovak from CareerJet writes:

We would like to recommend the addition of our site Careerjet, an employment search engine for the USA. In one simple search, Careerjet gives the job seeker access to a massive selection of jobs that are compiled from various internet sources, saving the trouble of having to visit each site individually.

Some of our embeddable tools might be of interest to you:
JobBox - see http://www.careerjet.com/partners/jobbox.html
SearchBox - see http://www.careerjet.com/partners/searchbox.html

We hope this site will interest you and can be included in your listings.

Thank you.

Sure thing, Emily! I'm always looking for more great resources to help people find the work they love so I'm glad you found my site.

More doing good at work resources

2008-09-25T14:22:00.002-04:00

A program of the Skoll Foundation, socialedge.org has "great jobs in social entrepreneurship."

Cool Quote

2008-09-23T22:09:00.000-04:00

Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.

Siddhartha Guatama Buddha : Indian mystic, founder of Buddhism Buddha

Using LinkedIn

2008-09-21T12:51:00.002-04:00

Networking is the key strategy for getting the kind of work you love to do. We often hear about using LinkedIn as a networking tool.

How do you use it, though? Is it really worth the time and effort to set up your profile? I think so. Several people I know have gotten great jobs doing what they love simply because they reconnected with past colleagues and bosses, or with classmates and friends. And I've used it to introduce people to each other. This helped several people build their own professional networks, and resulted in several people getting interviews.

For more ideas, check out http://blog.linkedin.com/blog/2007/07/ten-ways-to-use.html. This article helps fill in some of the blanks on how to use LinkedIn to further our work goals.

Does anyone else have ideas for how to use LinkedIn? I'd love to see your comments on how you've used it to help yourself or someone else.

Doing well and doing good

2008-09-11T15:23:00.002-04:00

Justmeans.com is "the trading floor for social responsibility." Its mission is to equip individuals with the networks, news and jobs needed to create positive change. It currently has offices in NYC, London and India.

Social Venture Network (SVN) transforms the way the world does business by leveraging its members' collective strengths of leadership, knowledge and enterprise for a more just and sustainable economy. They have job openings at mission-driven organizations.

Net Impact is an international nonprofit organization whose mission is to make a positive impact on society by growing and strengthening a community of new leaders who use business to improve the world. We offer a portfolio of programs to educate, equip, and inspire more than 10,000 members to make a tangible difference in their universities, organizations, and communities.

Natural Pest Control from The Old Farmers' Almanac

2008-08-26T11:29:00.002-04:00

From the August 26, 2008 e-newsletter:

Herbs can be used for pest control. Dried wormwood, yarrow, santolina, tansy, mint, and lavender are traditional moth repellents. If you find unwanted creatures in your kitchen, don’t reach for the poison. For example, discourage ants trailing in and out with sprigs of pennyroyal or wipe your counters with vinegar.

If it’s your pet that’s bothered, try putting a drop of lemon oil or oil of rosemary on its collar for flea control.

To sign up for this newsletter full of useful and interesting information about the natural world and agriculture, go to Alamanac.com/newsletter.

Changing my attitude toward change

2008-08-21T16:09:00.003-04:00

Madeline Gerwick of the Good Timing Guide recently posted this information that helps put change into perspective.

In addition to the explosive and volatile energies of Mars opposite Uranus, plus two eclipses, now we have the cycle of Mars square Pluto in range. It will be with us through August 25th and it peaks on August 16th, just in time for the Lunar Eclipse!

I'm sure that’s no accident. The Universe is sending us a BIG message here. It wants us to focus on what really motivates us. What gets us out of bed in the morning? What makes us feel alive and juicy? What actions do we take that inspire us to move forward in our lives? If we’re not feeling that way, it’s time to reassess what motivates us, and take different actions.

This can feel like a crisis as we go through this process and realize that what we’re doing isn’t working for us any more. It’s OK. We’re all making rapid changes now and since we’re going to continue making rapid changes, nothing is ever going to stay the same. We need to go through this process periodically.

I find the last paragraph completely applicable to any time of change. If one is feeling overwhelmed by everything that's going on now, it is helpful to remember that this is natural to feel. And I always try to allow my natural curiosity to come forth. When I say "gee, I wonder what's going to happen next!", I feel my spirit lightening. I'm no longer oppressed by the unknown, I'm excited by the unfolding that is on its way.

Great quote

2008-08-20T11:17:00.001-04:00

"Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew." - Cicely Tyson

Free Tools for Self-Development

2008-08-15T12:35:00.004-04:00

I just found a wonderfully generous site, www.destinies.com. It's put together by Peggy McColl, New York Times best-selling author and internationally recognized expert in the area of goal achievement.

On the site, you can take her Destiny Switch Emotional Analysis, a way to gauge where you are in your thinking about abundance. The "test" addresses practically every aspect of emotions, using twelve scales:

Kindness/Unkindness
Bliss/Depression
Love/Hate
Calm/Rage
Worthiness/Worthlessness
Harmony/Loneliness
Wonder/Emptiness
Faith/Worry
Courage/Cowardice
Confidence/Insecurity
Inspiration/Discouragement
Abundance/Impoverishment

Examining emotions is critical, for they are the foundation on which a fulfilling, abundant, happy life is built.

Be honest! It's the only way to know where you are and to identify the opportunities for you to grow.

In addition, there are other free tools - a video that gives a great explanation about why it's important to focus on the positive, a set of short audios on building the habit of focusing on abundance.

And of course, she is selling her book, Your Destiny Switch: Master Your Key Emotions, and Attract the Life of Your Dreams. It explains the time-tested principles for creating wealth and how to alter your behaviors and emotions to actually change the nature of your relationship with the powerful stream of abundance that you can tap into at any time.

I just purchased Your Destiny Switch as well as 21 Distinctions of Wealth. McColl gives away so much that I really liked, I'm sure there is a lot more value in the books. I like to reward people who offer such amazing value for free. Here's the link again: www.destinies.com.

Facing a Life Transition?

2008-08-13T15:10:00.001-04:00

The book Transitions by William Bridges is a framework for understanding your process during this transition period. He wrote it 27 years ago and it's still as fresh today as when he wrote it.