Again I am reminded by life that happiness is a choice, and it takes real effort to reach a happy state.
Over the winter, I was not very happy. I was tired, sick with bronchitis forever, lonely, in pain from my arthritis, sad because one of my cats died, and feeling out of control of my life. This is perhaps the definition of not-happiness.
Because I choose to be happy, this was not good enough for me. So I took action. Action that I didn't particularly want to take. Because it took effort, and I was TIRED. Sometimes it just is like that. I just wanted to read books, watch TV, and feel miserable.
Actually, I didn't want to feel miserable. After a while, misery does need company. So I started by talking to a couple of people about being unhappy. Immediately, I felt better - even if I didn't have any answers to the cause of my unhappiness. By taking an action, putting in some effort - because it was a real effort to open my mouth and say things that made me feel vulnerable - I felt better. I was on my own side. I saw that I would take care of me, so I could start trusting me again.
I have plenty of people who love me, I just have to let them know what's going on. And I then need to listen to what they say - suggestions, feedback, ideas. Openmindedness is a key to my happiness, as well. "I know that" is 3 words that shut out other people, close down communication, and halt the exchange of energy that is the very lifeblood of happiness. So I listened, and said "thank you, I hadn't thought of that."
One suggestion was to cut out gluten, and that would reduce inflammation which would reduce pain. That completely worked. OMG. I couldn't believe I had resisted the suggestion for so long. Again, on my own side. Choosing my own highest good.
I decided to focus on all the wonderful things I can eat, so I would embrace my new diet. If I thought about what I can't have, I'd feel deprive, angry, and more rebellious - therefore more likely to sabotage my health.
I also was told to get back on all my supplements. I had stopped a few. So I'm back on them, and feel better. I don't necessarily feel physically better - maybe a little bit - but I do feel more on my own side. I'm taking care of myself. And I got a chest x-ray, that showed no problems, so maybe it is allergies after all. I stopped worrying, which helps a lot!
The last thing I did was get 2 kittens. I just trusted the universe to send kittens my way if it was the right thing for me and my old boy cat (who's 15 1/2). And I was sent Pretzel and Cirra. I haven't laughed so much in years. They are hilarious, and exactly the right thing for me.
It all takes effort. Reaching out to people. Looking at the bright side on purpose. Taking the actions to care for myself. And opening myself up to new love and laughter.
So today I'm happy.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
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